Personal Power II: The Driving Force (Success Journal 7)

Day 9


Values are emotional states that, based on our life experience, we believe are
most important for us to experience (move toward) or avoid (move away from).

The moving-toward values, or “pleasure” values, are emotions like love,
happiness, success, security, adventure. These are known as ends values. It’s
important to make the distinction between means values, which are simply
“vehicles” or “instruments,” and ends values, which drive all of our behaviors as
human beings.

1. Some people may say that what they value most in life are their cars.
Well, it’s true they may value a car (i.e., it’s important to them), but
they value it as a means, a way to get what they’re really after. The end
a person who values a car might be seeking is a sense of convenience or a sense of freedom
or, depending upon the type of car, maybe a sense of power or fun.


Likewise, many people say they want money. But money is merely a means to an
end. They don’t want pieces of paper with pictures of “deceased notables” on them.
They want what they think money will give them. For some people, they believe that’s
security or the ability to take control of their lives. A feeling of choice.
The secret in life is to know what you’re really after, the end values.

2. All decision making is nothing hut values clarification. If you know what you value
most, what you truly want most out of life, then you’ll find you can make decisions
much more effectively and rapidly.




A belief is a felling of certainty about the meaning of something. Your beliefs determine whether or not you feel like you’re meeting your values—they can either limit or liberate you.
There are two basic kinds of beliefs:

1. Global beliefs are generalizations:
“Life is…,” “People are…,” “I am…”

2. Rules are conditional ideas:
“If this, then that.”

EXAMPLE OF A VALUES

HIERARCHY

LOVE

HEALTH

SUCCESS

FREEDOM

INTIMACY

SECURITY

ADVENTURE

POWER

PASSION

COMFORT

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

The subject of values is critically important because our values guide all our
decision-making. Most people would think that even attempting to define their
own values is too big a task for a thirty-day process, much less a single day. (I
actually teach and guide people through this process during an intensive fourday
program called DATE WITH DESTINY.) Obviously, if you’ve made it to
the ninth day of this program and are still taking notes, you are an extraordinary
individual! Having said that, I would like to give you a six-step process, which
will require a significant amount of your time and energy, but I think the
rewards are remarkable.

You might want to complete the first two of the six steps today and divide the
rest of these tasks over the course of the next week. I know how challenging this
can be, but there are few things in the world more rewarding than being
absolutely clear about what’s important to you. So set yourself up to win on this
assignment today by breaking it down into doable chunks. And be sure to have
fun!


1. Ask yourself this question: What’s most important to me in my life?
Make sure you write down the feelings you’re after, the states you
value most, such as love, passion, or happiness, as opposed to means
values like money or business success. If you think you want money or
business success, ask yourself, if I had that additional money, if I had
that business success, what would it ultimately give me? How would it
make me feel? Those feelings are the true driving force in your life,
your “moving-toward values.”


2. Rewrite your moving-toward values in the order of their importance.


3. Make a list of all the negative feelings or emotions you’d do almost
anything to avoid. For some people, this list might include rejection or
frustration or overwhelm or loneliness. Discovering what you want to
avoid will help you understand more about your drive. We are not
driven just to get what we want. We’re also driven to avoid those
feelings we link the most pain to, our “moving-away-from values.”


4. Rewrite your moving-away-from values in the order of their
importance; starting at the top of the list with the one you would do the
most to avoid feeling.


5. What has to happen for you to feel these emotions? For example, if
success is one of your values, what has to happen for you to feel
successful? (For some individuals to feel successful, they have to have
a million dollars in the bank. For others to feel successful, they have to
wake up, look down, and see that they’re above ground because they
believe every day above ground’s a great day!) Similarly, on your
moving-away-from values, what has to happen for you to feel them?
(For some individuals, if they don’t achieve a goal one time, they feel
like a failure. For others, it’s impossible to fail. Their rule is, “I would
fail only if I were to give up. As long as I keep trying, I’m successful.”)
It’s important to understand the rules you have for feeling bad, because
often we make it too hard to feel good and too easy to feel bad.

6. Have you discovered any rules, which limit the quality of your life? If
so, which rules are you willing to change now to improve your life
forever?





1. What’s most important to me in life (moving-toward values)?

EXAMPLES OF A MOVINGTOWARD

VALUES

HAPPINESS

LOVE

SUCCESS

HEALTH

INTELLIGENCE

POWER

GROWTH

CONTRIBUTION

AFFECTION

HUMOR

2. My moving-toward values in order of importance:

EXAMPLES OF A HIERARCHY OF MOVING-TOWARD VALUES

1. HEALTH

2. SUCCESS

3. HAPPINESS

4. GROWTH

5. LOVE

6. CONTRIBUTION

7. HUMOR

8. INTELLIGENCE

9. POWER

10. AFFECTION

3. What would I do the most to avoid (moving-away-from values)?

EXAMPLES OF MOVINGAWAY-FROM VALUES

DEPRESSION

BOREDOM

OVERWHELM

ANGER

WORRY

FRUSTRATION

RESENTMENT

SADNESS

JEALOUSY

SELF-PITY

4. My moving-away-from values in order of importance:

EXAMPLES OF A HIERARCHY OF MOVING-AWAYFROM VALUES

1. ANGER

2. FRUSTRATION

3. BOREDOM

4. RESENTMENT

5. JEALOUSY

6. DEPRESSION

7. OVERWHELM

8. SELF-PITY

9. SADNESS

10. WORRY

5. What has to happen for me to feel each of these emotions (moving-toward
and moving-away-from values)?

EXAMPLES OF RULES FOR MOVING-TOWARD AND

 MOVING-AWAY-FROM VALUES

“I feel healthy whenever I walk at least 15 minutes a day.”

“I feel healthy when I take care of myself by getting massages.”

“Whenever I eat fruit, I feel healthy.”

“I feel boredom if and only if all the world’s problems have been solved.”

“I would feel boredom if I cut off all contact with humanity and set up residence in Antarctica.”

6. The rules I’m willing to change now to improve my life forever:

EXAMPLES OF RULES THAT SHOULD BE CHANGED

“I have to do everything perfectly all the time in order to be successful.”

“I feel intelligent only if I have an IQ of 200 or higher.”

“In order for me to feel loved, my children must obey me 100 percent of the time without complaint.”

“I must always breathe pure, unpolluted air to be healthy.”

“To be a success, I must write five best-selling novels, make $3 million, and set a new record for running the mile-all by age 21.”

“I will be happy only when I win the state lottery.”

“I know I’m successful when I never make any mistakes.”

“Nothing has any power over me other

than that which I give it through my

conscious thoughts.”